my vag is so smooth its legendary
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
