Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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