RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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