you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
