my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
