Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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