What a fucking waste of an outfit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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