one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
