Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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