why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
