I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
