things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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