I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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