Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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