her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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