I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
