the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
