Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
