Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
