he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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