So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
