have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
