my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
