i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
