listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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