you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
