Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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