3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
