Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
