OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
