I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
