About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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