I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
