She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is wine microwaveable?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
