that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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