i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my shit smells like andre
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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