Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
