He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
