Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
