Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mom said you looked used
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
