I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I touched a dick in church today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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