So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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