You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
