oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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