Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
