$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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