just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
where are you?
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me