i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.