omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.