You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
is that a dick in a sweater?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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