what if I'm pregnant?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.