U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
