im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
