This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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