So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
