Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize