Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
