I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
