Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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