Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
