no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's never too late to be topless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
