what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
