I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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