yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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