My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
